Lately I have been wondering if getting married is the thing to do.
We have lived together for 7 years, and believe me had our trials....we have broken up several times.
During the breakups Kevin has moved out and to his mothers house, until things settle and he comes home....the longest absence was over a year. He still remains in the childrens lives but not in mine.
I was happiest last summer when he was gone to be honest. But then getting back in the dating game was too crazy for me....who wants to play all those games when you can skip that part?
I think I was happy because honestly I didnt have the kids everyother weekend and I was able to go out and do as I pleased....even if sleeping in was what I wanted most. There was no one there to make me feel guilty for not getting up and making breakfast.
The only downside was that I had to enter into the work force again... I never went to court for child support because I thought that that battle would be the nail in the coffin for Kevin and I and honestly I wasnt ready for the split to be permanant.
I hated working...when Kevin was home I stayed home with the kids so I didn't have to get up at 5 am just to shower and have the kids ready for school on time.
But I liked having my own money, and keeping the house clean was no problem. ( Kev comes home now and dumps his stuff where he stands, he litteraly leaves a trail of stuff behind him once he enters the door)
However, I began to miss little things about Kevin.
. The way he looks when he sleeps
. His cuddly-ness
. The way he interacts with the kids
. And most of all, his abilty to care for all of us and never complain.
My heart won out in the end and he came home in November of last year.
As you would suspect things have been fine. In the "honeymoon" stage again I guess.
So we decieded to quit screwing around and finally get married and "make it work"
I feel like ever since that day I have regretted that decision.
I can't really put my finger on why, but everyday there is something that makes me not want to be with him, let alone marry him.
Help.
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Oh, wow, I can totally relate to that "should I call off the wedding?" feeling.
ReplyDeleteIt's really hard to make a call one way or the other when your lives are so enmeshed. It's the same for my fiancé and I... although we don't have kids. It must be such a balancing act right now!
Love your blog, and I'll definitely be back for more
xo
Is it sad that the biggest factor in NOT calling off the wedding is that I get to rock a totally gorgeous dress and have people fall all over me for a day?
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the kudos chickie : )
Wow, what a hard situation. Decisions like that are so hard. I haven't had to make that decision about marriage, but I have struggled to know if I should stay with a guy. I will say a prayer for you that I hope all of this works out. Remember you deserve the best!
ReplyDeleteGreat blog. I'll be by again.