I am considering becoming a missing person...

Ok...so last night I got ZERO sleep.
I had a nightmare that the photographer for the wedding didn't show, and no one in attendance brought a camera.
It felt so real, I was so relieved when I woke up that I could have sung a show tune.
Then as soon as I fell back asleep I started dreaming again. This time, my wedding cake was in the shape of a boat. Honestly..a boat? We don't even own a boat.

This was around 4 am, and I haven't been back to sleep since. I turned on the night side lamp and started reading my book. Jodi Picoult - Vanishing Acts. ( I hope I am spelling her name right, i dint have the book handy at the moment)

In the book the main character Delia finds out that her father kidnapped her when she was a small child and moved to New Hampshire. She thought her mother died in a car accident when she was a baby, but that was just her fathers cover story.

This whole wedding thing has me envious of this alter life. Would it be possible for Kev & I to pack up the kids and move away where no one would ever see us again? Sounds sad I know. But honestly, besides friends and MY family we have no one here. His mother and family thinks we are a joke.
Tuesday was my middle sons 6th birthday and K's mom came over for a small cake. She did not even say HELLO to me. I pretend that it doesn't bother me but it genuinely does. I am so sick of talking to K about it because all he does it get mad at me. He doesn't let it bother him and thinks that I should take the same approach. But being a woman means that I have feelings that are capable of being hurt.

I really want this wedding to go off without a hitch and show K's family that we deserve happiness and their blessing. But part of me hopes that their response cards come back with the words..."unable to attend"

I have no clue how we are going to pay for this. Getting married fast seemed like a good idea 6 months ago, and now that all the final balances are due. . . we are broke.
I am working as much as possible.
Then not to mention K's brothers wedding is next Friday. The final head count of their wedding is 201 people. And the final cost was $275 a person. It is traditional that you give them $ in the amount of their per/person total? That's the rumor going around anyway.
So that would mean that K and I would need to shell out around $500 as a gift to them. Not to mention the $$$ I spent on their shower present, and the $200 a piece it cost K and our son to rent tuxes to be in the wedding.

I am sure it will all come together. . . i hope anyway. It's really sad to me that I just can't wait for this whole thing to be done and over with... : (

And So I Return....

These past few weeks have been a JOKE. I am honestly wondering why we didn't decide to elope!
The invitations finally went out....whew.... (and I am not gonna lie and say that I didn't have a minor heart attack as they slid into the mailbox)
I knew the wedding could be called off if we hadn't mailed the invites, but now it would just sound stupid.
I have thought in the past that getting married was a bad idea and lately I have been thinking the same.
I don't think I feel this way because of my relationship with K...because for the first time in years I am genuinely happy! ...however, my libido is wanting other men. Is this normal?
Sometimes I wake up from dreaming of my boss, friends, random men...and get disappointed when I roll over and touch K instead of the man or men I was dreaming about.
My boss has been in my dreams on more than one occasion.
You all know that I have a minor thing for him ha ha...
Usually in my dreams we are just out with people from work having a few cocktails until he and I are the only ones that remain. Then he professes his love for me and we have a wet make out sesh....nothing below the belt at this point but stay tuned.

I can't help but think that this is just "my version" of cold feet. I've always been a sexual person and I think the impending marriage has me paranoid that I'll never have another dick again. * Pardon the vulgarity*

Whatever....aside from the fact that my brain below the waist doesn't want to get married...everything is going as scheduled.
The Princess' wedding is next Friday...joy.
I have nothing to wear. I have been scouring websites trying to find something that resembles formal but doesn't make me look like I am trying too hard.
Feel free to make suggestions.

I have another hair and makeup trial that day. I'm not sure how I felt about the first updo, it was kinda 90's prom style...and I'm more vintage style.
The makeup was horrible, i didn't look like myself at all....i am going to a swankier place next week so hopefully these ladies wont look like drag queens.

All there is to do right now is wait for the response cards to come back and pray that about 20 or so people can't make it!~
Our final guest list was 185 and the reception venue only holds 160...whoops!

busy

It's been a while since I have posted. Working like crazy, and then doing all kinds of random wedding stuff...
I have a few minutes now but I am so glued to this Michael Jackson Memorial thing on T.V.
I still can't believe he died.
I am not the type to cry over a celebrities death, but I am genuinely saddened by this.
The poor guy went through some horrible trials and tribulations in his lifetime. And it makes me angry to hear the people that remember him for the molestation trial and not for the incredible music he made.

Ok, clean slate

Ok...so to my readers...mostly Mia and Pink teacup...<3

I deleted all my posts about Princess...and I have decided to weed out the bad feelings I have for her.
Mostly because I feel....guilty. And to be truthful, Jealous.

She has her life, I have mine, and they are incomparable...

I am sure there are reasons for her to be jealous of me, and I need to take the higher road and not be so petty about my insecurities...

Thank you for listening to all my rants, and I appreciate your support...

Much love, much, much love.

Wedding invites....

Ok ladies...you asked for it...here are the pics of my wedding invites...

They are STILL not completely put together and I have to send them out next week...

wish me luck...

figured it out!

So....I figured out how to post pictures...heres one of me and K....now i need to upload the pics of my invites for all you to see!

Yikes!

I have no idea who I am anymore.... Can you help me?
Where is the brooding bitch that I see in the mirror everyday?
Fuck My Life...am I actually happy?!

I know its only been a week or so but honestly, me working has changed my whole outlook completely!
I'm not home enough to be totally consumed by the stress of child-rearing, and I don't work enough to not have time with my family.
Perfect balance.
I contribute this fact that I flirt immensely with my new boss....lets call him Todd, and I have landed an excellent schedule.
Sunday - Off....I LOVE this, Sunday Funday = no work. Come football season I will be knuckling buffalo wings and beer...without having to find coverage for my shift.
Monday - Work the lunch shift, out by 5.
Tuesday - off
Wednesday - night shift...starts at 5 and I'm home by 10
Thursday - night shift...and I get to work in the lounge area, so I cocktail waitress...meaning I bat my eyelashes and shake my ass to all the 30+ men out looking to escape life, or their wives.
Friday - off ...I may be a mother of 3 but I also like to go out and get completely smashed once in a while.
Saturday - Double...this is the only day that sucks.. but I worked last night and made $400. Thank you very much!

So thanks to my good looks and charm I have the best schedule in the joint. Todd is so cute. Wish he wasn't married, and wish that I wasn't about to be married. ha ha
He's a little overweight but I am not one to be a stickler for shape. As long as you re not over 300 lbs I'm game. Its more about personality for me. Granted, his mushy lips and sparkling blue eyes are what drew me to him in the first place, but its his puppy dog demeanor and laugh that hooked me.

I know what you re thinking...I am not planning on breaking up his marriage and or my relationship, it just gives me a sense of excitement to get to work and look decent, and run circles around the other waitresses.... always the competitor.